at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
