Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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