how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
