dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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