Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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