Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
