Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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