morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
