The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm passing your future prison.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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