Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
