I seem to have left my pride at pride
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
