Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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