me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
