I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
