he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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