We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
