Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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