Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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