He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
