Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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