so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
