You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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