Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
