I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
