He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
