Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
