He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
