Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize