Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't deserve a penis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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