what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
