he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
