i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
