she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
