So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
