you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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