The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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