Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
