high people should be assigned attendants
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
