She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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