I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
