You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
