life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
