Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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