oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
