I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
