I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
