He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
