Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
