Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
