Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
