I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
