get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize