glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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