This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
