How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
