We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize