As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
