I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
