I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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