how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize