i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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