There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
