you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
