Someone shit on the floor
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
