suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
