you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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