Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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