By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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