Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
