the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
