i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
