I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They have beer where we have blood.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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