i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
